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TRIGGER WARNING – this blog contains details about miscarrying, D&C, haemorrhaging.
My Story: Experiencing My First and Only Miscarriage
This is my story about my first and only miscarriage, which I experienced in 2020. Looking back at what I know now, there were big gaps in my knowledge of what to expect and limited information out there. I’m writing this to share what medical procedures were like for me and so that you know, wherever you are, you are not alone.
An Unexpected Pregnancy and a Confusing Timeline
I’ll start this blog off by stating honestly that I was not ready or trying for another baby. At the time of the miscarriage, the twins were 22 months old, and I was barely keeping my head above water with them and Willow. So, this process was honestly not as emotionally devastating as it would have been if I was actively trying for a baby. It absolutely was physically devastating.
Symptoms That Didn’t Make Sense
Cup weekend 2020, we had just come out of lockdown, and it was my birthday. I had my period, but looking back, it was much lighter than normal (this wasn’t a real period—it was my body trying to miscarry unsuccessfully). I was feeling quite tired but thought nothing of it because the twins weren’t sleeping great at this point.
Laser Eye Surgery and Mysterious Migraines
In the middle of November, I got laser eye surgery and was asked repeatedly if I was possibly pregnant because the anaesthetic, steroid, and antibiotic eye drops aren’t safe if I was. I repeatedly said, absolutely not! Like I said above, we were not trying and used condoms and cycle tracking.
The Positive Pregnancy Test and Unanswered Questions
My next period was due at the beginning of December, and I really felt like it was coming. I felt bloated, exhausted, my breasts were painful, I was headachey, and so grumpy. My period is never late, so when it didn’t come on day 28, I knew something was up, but I didn’t want to admit it. By day 31, I bought a pregnancy test. It was positive, and a very strong positive.
Trying to Make Sense of the Timeline
There was a lot of confusion for me because I knew that I couldn’t have possibly only been four weeks pregnant when I felt this unwell. And because of my laser eye surgery happening in the middle of my cycle (ovulation time), I knew we hadn’t conceived in November. That meant the period I had at the start of November wasn’t a period at all—I was likely already 8-9 weeks pregnant.
Seeking Clarity: The Dating Scan and More Questions
My GP ordered a dating scan because of how confused I was. It was so hard to get an appointment last minute. Everywhere was booked out for 1-2 weeks! I found an appointment at an ultrasound clinic 50 minutes away the next day.
At the scan, the sonographer advised me that there was a gestational sac measuring 8 weeks but no embryo, no fetal pole, nothing. She said the measurements could be off and that I needed another scan in a week to confirm whether it was viable or a blighted ovum.
Blood Tests, Miscarriage Confirmation, and Uncertainty
After another scan and three blood tests showing that my HCG was 25,000 but not rising properly, it was confirmed it was most likely a miscarriage. I found it hard that none of the GP’s I spoke to could really confirm what was happening. Was it a miscarriage? Was it ectopic?
The Decision Between Medical and Surgical Management
By the time my appointment at the EPAC clinic came around, it had been 2.5 weeks of no answers and feeling so unwell. The doctor confirmed it was a blighted ovum—when the pregnancy occurs, but the embryo never develops. My body still thought I was pregnant, and the gestational sac was measuring 10 weeks.
I was given two options: medical management with misoprostol or surgical management via D&C. The thought of a D&C scared me, so I chose to take misoprostol at home. The doctor warned that there was a small risk of retained tissue but reassured me that I’d likely be fine.
Taking Misoprostol and Thinking It Was Over
I took misoprostol that afternoon. Five hours later, the cramping and bleeding began. By 11pm, I was in pain and sitting on the toilet when I believed I had passed the pregnancy tissue. The pain then disappeared, and the bleeding became minimal over the next two days.
I assumed the miscarriage was complete.
A Sudden Haemorrhage on a Train
Days later, Scott, Willow, and I flew to Sydney for a trip we had planned. On the train from Sydney Airport to the Blue Mountains, I felt a hot gush of blood. I texted my sister, asking if this was normal. She reassured me that bleeding could stop and start.
But the bleeding kept increasing. I felt myself passing huge clots and was completely beside myself. Then, as I stood up, I felt another massive gush and saw blood dripping down my ankles.
I whispered to Scott that we needed to get off the train immediately. I told him to call an ambulance. I was bleeding out on a train in front of my daughter, and the fear was overwhelming.
Emergency Hospital Visit and Continued Blood Loss
We got off the train, met the ambulance, and rushed to a small regional hospital. The emergency doctor suspected retained tissue and wanted to take a “wait and see” approach. But every time I moved, there were gushes of blood.
At one point, I passed a clot the size of a small football. I looked down and thought, “I’m surely about to die.”
Being Moved to the ‘Resuscitation’ Room
The bleeding slowed briefly, but then another huge gush came. The nurses began to panic. My blood pressure was dropping, my heart rate was climbing, and I was moved to the resuscitation area in emergency.
I started having visions of dying—of not saying goodbye to Willow or the twins.
A D&C and Finally an End to the Nightmare
After seven hours of continuous bleeding, the gynaecologist finally made the call for a D&C.
As I was wheeled into surgery, the anaesthesiologist reassured me that this was a simple, everyday procedure. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about my babies.
The surgery went smoothly. I woke up feeling so much better.
Recovering from Blood Loss and Trauma
I was discharged the next day, but the blood loss had left me incredibly weak. I couldn’t stand in the shower without sitting down. My breathing felt shallow. I went back to the hospital, fearing complications, but was told my body simply needed time.
The Aftermath: Anxiety and Healing
Three days later, we had to fly back to Melbourne to avoid hotel quarantine. The entire trip home, I was terrified of bleeding again.
It took me six months to feel normal again. The trauma, anxiety, and fear lingered long after the physical recovery.
Miscarriage Is Hard—You Are Not Alone
Miscarriages are hard. They are heartbreaking. Horrific. Painful.
And all of our stories are different. But I hope after reading this, you realize you are not alone.
